Softened by the forced reflection that comes with loss

Recently a tragedy befell the family of a man I work with. We are not close personal friends, but I have shared a beer or to two and conversation with him on occasion at an off site and resultantly, I came to respect him. His son was engaged to be married within the year. His life plans were altered irrevocably when a drunk driver crossed the lane and killed his fiance in a collision.

I remember reading the note explaining the accident that was forwarded to those of us in the office who work with him. I read it and sat at my desk frozen for a moment in time. As I read and the terrible story unfolded, I could see his face in my mind like an old movie player, shaky and blurry with enormous pain in his eyes. He doesn’t typically show much emotion on his face, his countenance is quite temperate, and so as I imagined how he felt at that moment, I hurt and I cried for him.

I think of my family and how our lives changed the day Alex died. I’m sad that his son will not stand by his bride and pledge to spend his life with his love who he had known since childhood. I am sad for the parents of a young girl who lost their baby girl that day. I’m sad for my coworker because I imagine the helpless feeling of seeing your child in such pain as he struggles to recover from deep loss. Lastly although it is clouded with anger, I’m sad for the reckless driver who will live a life on this earth with the burden of having taken a life. He will surely face God with a heavy load to bear.

When I first hear about this type of tragedy, I go back to that moment on the beach when I first heard the news of my brother. I had gone out to dinner with my boyfriend’s family and afterward we were having a glass of champagne and quietly listening to sounds of the ocean. It was an incredibly peaceful moment; in hindsight, like a hush at the eye of a tornado.

I came through my experience with a greater appreciation for the people in my life. I do sometimes still think about what could have been, particularly at special events in my family’s life like my brother’s wedding. Alex would have stood beside Alan, at the birth Alan and Allison’s boys, every holiday really…. But now with the passage of time, I can look forward to what WILL BE and IS in all of our lives with tremendous thankfulness and hope. I look forward to all the gifts that life will hold because I know that is what Alex would want for all of us.

I heal with the peace of understanding that God has those I love and miss in his perfect care and I pray for God to ease the suffering and heal all broken hearts.